Things to never say to the one you love
In a long term relationship, arguments are bound to happen. Whether you are a Democrat and he is a die hard Republican, or it’s the age old pineapple on the pizza debate, it’s unlikely you will go through life agreeing about everything.
Arguing isn’t the end of a relationship, but you can unintentionally cause damage to it by what you say while arguing. Here are 3 things you should never say while arguing.
“Why can’t you be more like...”
With your friends and family's carefully curated feeds just a few clicks away, it’s easier than ever to make unfair comparisons. Your husband may not be able to make twin bunk beds for the dogs hand carved out of purple oak, but that’s not his skill set, and comparing him to other people for things he can’t help isn’t a fair fight.
When arguing, don’t compare your husband to other people. The same goes for women too. Sure, Jane across the street might be able to keep her kids clean, the house clean, work a full time job, and be a member of the school board, but that doesn't mean everyone can. Comparing your spouse to others is just paving the road for insecurity and depression, nothing more.
“You’ve really let yourself go”
Unless you married each other in order to better share your mutual love of going to the gym, commenting on weight, clothing, or plain old age is definitely not a great way of bonding. While you may be disappointed that your wife likes her sweat pants more than that cute little mini skirt, or that your husband's six pack abs have softened with age, that doesn't mean you need to pressure them about keeping their looks up.
Sometimes these changes aren't things they can help, and all you're going to do is make them feel insecure and unloved. If you're genuinely concerned about their health, pick a time to talk about it when you're notarguing. Their physical appearance has nothing to do with who broke the coffee maker, and is just a low blow during an argument.
“Do you even love me anymore?”
Couples argue. Even the most loving pair will have something to disagree about every now and again. Working out needs good communication, not implying that the disagreement is a clear sign the marriage is on the rocks. Maybe you don't feel like they do love you, but unless that is the actual topic of the argument, there's no reason to bring it up until you've figured out the current problem.
If you are having a disagreement with your spouse, keep yourself focused on the actual topic you disagree about. Don't bring up every little thing he or she has done wrong in the last decade to prove your point, and don't lash out just to make them hurt.
Even if you can't see eye to eye about the topic, knowing you can disagree and discuss avenues on how to fix it without being insulted or demeaned can ease tensions and help you find solutions—the ultimate purpose of arguing in the first place.