Signs your love is conditional

If we're in an intimate relationship, we like to believe that our partner loves us unconditionally. As cute as unconditional love sounds, it's not the most desirable kind of love. There are times when you could and should find you no longer love your partner, such as discovering they are involved in one of your romantic deal-breakers, or that they aren't who you thought they were.

At other times however, conditional love can be detrimental to the relationship. Here are a few ways your love may be conditional, and what that can spell for your relationship.

You're passive aggressive about poor behavior

Both of you work full-time jobs, and both of you are tired at the end of the day, so why is it you are the one doing all the housework and childcare too? You might think a sign of unconditional love be that it doesn't let it bother you—but that's only if it's actually true.

If you simply allow the behavior to go by with passive aggressive remarks and constant complaints to your friends and family, this isn't a very healthy way to handle your partner. Instead, you need to talk about them about their bad behavior directly. 

You're bothered by their emotional baggage

Everybody has something in their past that was emotionally scarring. Some people are better at moving on from these moments, while for others it lingers long after the traumatic event. If you've been through far worse and recovered, you may find yourself feeling a bit contemptuous of their inability to move on. 

Everyone goes through trauma at their own pace. It's important to be empathetic to other people's situations, even if it seems like nothing to you.

You have expectations of them

Realistically, who doesn't have expectations of their partner? Whether it's to hold down a steady job, keep the house clean, or simply be consistent in their love, we all have something we expect from our spouse.

This is a healthy expectation to have as long as it doesn't get out of control. If you find yourself angry because the house isn't 100% spottless or they aren't making the amount of money you feel they ought to, it may be time to reevaluate whether your expectations are fair or not.

You don't feel like you can trust them

If your spouse is always lying and cheating—there's a good reason for this, and potentially a deal breaker. If not however, ask yourself why you feel the need to constantly try and catch them in an act that has never occurred. Trust is important in a relationship, and without it, real love can be hard to develop 

Everyone has conditions for their love, and that's okay, but it's also important to keep those conditions healthy and loving. If you find that your conditions are a little too severe for a healthy relationship, there's always time to reevaluate and make changes for a happier and healthier relationship with the person that you love.