Some people seem to relish arguing with others about the best way to move forward on a project or problem. They might have been members of the debate team, or like the feeling of verbal jousting. You? Not so much. You’d rather avoid these difficult conversations thank you very much, and you don’t want to debate anything. Ever.

Unfortunately, conflicts are a part of life. It may be that your significant other keeps butting up against a very important boundary for you, or that a coworker doesn’t seem to understand that your homepacked lunch is not up for grabs.

Conflict avoidance is fairly normal, but it can also cause great harm to the person who would rather not address a problem. When left unchecked, problems can grow and fester. What might have been a simple issue of stolen lunch can grow into quitting a job you love or hating your work—or in the case of a relationship, ending things.

Rather than avoiding conflicts until you can’t stand it anymore, it’s best to face the more important issues head on. Even if you don’t like conflict, using a few simple strategies to work through discussing a problem can help you get your point across with as little drama as possible.

Be direct

You know Sally is taking your food. Sally knows she is taking your food. There is no point in coyly beating around the bush. The best way to address a conflict is to state the problem as clearly as possible. 

If the problem is harder to state than food theft, it may be worth taking some time before this conversation to work out specifically what is bothering you and why. Vague details may not help the situation, and require you to have more than one conversation to clear things up. If you’re conflict avoidant, more uncomfortable conversations are the worst, so it’s worth taking time to make what’s bothering you clear.

Be willing to listen

It may be that Sally is food insecure. Perhaps the only meal she has to look forward to each day is the one she helps herself to out of the workplace fridge. Part of conflict resolution is to listen to the reasons why these things are occurring, and to try to find a way forward that resolves the conflict.

Other times, they may be simply unaware that what they’re doing is a problem. You might feel violated by what they’re doing, but they’re not even aware that it’s a problem. If they genuinely didn’t know, it’s always best to give others the benefit of the doubt.

Think positive

You should approach every conflict with the expectation that it will turn out well in the end. A positive outlook will help color your conversation in a positive way, and hopefully help guide things in that direction. The entire point of addressing conflict is to get a positive result, expecting one is a good start.

Conflict is hard. Many of us don’t enjoy sticking our necks out there and discussing a problem. Sometimes however, it’s necessary to get what we want out of a career or relationship.