How to help your kids unlearn gender bias
A century ago, children under the age of 4 were raised to be essentially genderless. Both sexes wore dresses, usually cotton with bright prints. The fancier the dress, the higher status the child was. It wasn't until they passed through the toddler stages that boys wore breeches and girls got dresses specific to their age—knee length for young girls, gradually getting longer as they got older.
Today, gender specific clothing starts at birth, and children learn very early that certain things are for specific genders. Girls play with dolls, toy houses, and kitchen sets. Boys play with swords, action figures, and tool sets.
Gender bias can cause harm to children directly, and also effect others later in life. A boy that it isn't manly to play with a doll or play house may struggle with feeling like chores or parenthood is emasculating later in life. A girl that knows tools are off limits may be put off from hard science or jobs she may be well suited for, because it doesn't suit her gender.
Luckily, gender bias can be both learned and unlearned, and you can help. Here are a few ways to help your child break through their gender bias.
Crack down on labeling
Labeling is a powerful tool for the mind. Make it clear that in your house a doll is neither a boys toy nor a girls toy, it is simply a toy. Likewise the STEM set isn't for boys, it's for everyone. By letting kids know that those toys aren't one or the other, and reinforcing it, you can give them a safe space where they can explore new ideas without worrying about being belittled for it.
Be careful with your own behavior
What biases do you have? No one is completely unbiased, ever. This is why scientists do double blind studies. In order to know whether a new medicine or treatment is effective, not only do scientists typically not reveal to the patient whether they got a dose or the placebo, they don't tell themselves either.
By not knowing which group got the medicine and which got the placebo, they can look at the evidence unbiased.
Even if you don't outright say “No, you can't wear pink, pink is for girls,” you may be modeling gender biases in more subtle ways. If your child never sees dad doing the dishes or taking the baby, or he never sees mom wielding power tools, this may be a subtle way of influencing gender bias.
If you've avoided wielding a hammer or changing a diaper, confronting these biases may well be good for your kids—and good for you too, regardless of your gender.
Gender bias is everywhere, but it can be overcome. By knowing your own biases, and finding ways to safely explore them, you can both help your kids become stronger and more balanced people, and also strengthen yourself as a person. Gender bias can be overcome, and everyone will benefit from it.
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