How to stop depending on others for positive feedback
If you take the time to reflect on your daily life, there's probably a lot of stuff you do purely to please other people. Maybe you couldn't care less whether the dirty laundry is a hamper on the floor, but you know your spouse does so you put it in the hamper.
It's natural and normal to want to do things for other people, or at least to take their desires into account as we go about our daily lives. Just like almost everything else however, it can tip over into unhealthy obsession.
Maybe you end up with far too much work because you want to impress the boss, or help your struggling coworker. Maybe you find yourself driving your kids to 7 different activities every day so that they can make the most out of their childhood.
While it's okay to enjoy praise from other people, and even to seek it, depending on it for your self esteem is a dangerous road. You may find yourself overwhelmed with work and exhaustion, or have ungrateful people putting yet more demands on you. If you find yourself:
路 Not setting boundaries
路 Getting emotionally upset over lack of appreciation
路 Forgoing your own enjoyment in order to please others
路 Depending on others to praise you even for hobbies
Than you may be dependent on others for positive feedback. Luckily, you can fix it, and here are a few ways to do it.
Start appreciating yourself
Did you bake a really awesome loaf of bread? Did it look amazing in your Instagram photos, cut just right, and taste heavenly with butter? While it's fine to show it off on social media and yes, accept praise for it, don't forget to tell yourself you did an amazing job.
It's okay to feel proud of yourself for a great success, and what that success is could be as simple as that loaf of bread or a finished project at work.
Instead of looking to someone else first however, give yourself that praise. You did it!
Set those boundaries
When you are constantly doing things for others, it's taken advantage of. The bar will always be set higher, and more demands will be made regardless of whether you can meet demand or not. If you keep saying yes to everything, it is a green light to keep adding even more to your load.
It isn't that you should become self centered and never do anything again, but look at your daily workload realistically and see if you realistically can take on that extra project, or if you will be squeezing out things you enjoy to do so.
If you technically can take your kid to karate 3 times a week on top of soccer and baseball but it will mean skipping girls night out forever, getting up an hour early every day to finish chores, and giving up gardening for the year, it's probably too much.
Keep it positive
You are often your own worst critic. If you lay awake at night feeling guilty because you couldn't get your endless list done, instead focus on what you did accomplish.
It's okay to want to please others, but it's also important to please yourself. When you are happy, you may discover everyone else around you is happier too.