Saying no can seem so simple until it comes time to actually confront a situation where it is required. When it comes to the brain, we can make anything more stressful than it needs to be by overthinking. Between our speedy thought process, the buildup of anxiety, our sweaty hands, and other worries, we convince ourselves that saying yes is just “easier.”

But is easier really better in this case? No. We have to teach ourselves and our minds how to navigate the world. If saying no brings discomfort, so you always say yes, you are teaching yourself that this works best. It’s not just a coping mechanism; it’s the reality you are shaping for yourself.

Self-Reflection Can Help

The biggest step towards being able to say no is being self-reflective. In doing so, you can identify what is important to you and what isn’t. Doing this ahead of time will help you stand your ground later. This is valuable when your job asks if you can take an extra shift. As you get ready to say yes, you’ll remember that you KNOW you don’t want to, which is okay. You are more mentally prepared this way to handle saying no.

Be Grateful, But Stand Your Ground

It’s okay to be grateful and still say no. No does not equate to a lack of gratitude. You have to remember that you are not saying no to the person asking the question. You are saying no to the request itself. This can help make it less personal in your mind and confront any issues in a relationship that may influence you to feel more pressured to say yes. Some people are naturally pushier. You have to meet them with an equal amount of standing your ground.

Setting boundaries is the best way to protect yourself in stressful situations. For some people, learning to say no is a huge life lesson that takes time. In fact, if you struggle with this personally, it’s safe to say you are not struggling alone. Just focus on what is important. Over time you will feel more empowered as you learn to say no when you really want to.