Body Shaming Blues
How we feel about our bodies is a delicate subject. Magazines and advertising tell us that we should be as thin as possible, with perfect skin and even better hair. We are taught that fat is disgusting, and that anything that doesn't match that look is ugly.
On the flip side, those who have dealt with fat shaming to such a degree can take their anger out on thin people. Those whose only crime is being thin get attacked as well. Suggesting a thin person has an eating disorder, or telling them they are so thin they are ugly, is just as bad as fat shaming.
Yet body shaming is so ingrained in our culture we seldom talk about it with our kids as a problem, and may be guilty of encouraging the mindset without thinking of it.
For parents, this can be a delicate balance. We need to talk to our kids about making healthy food choices and staying a healthy weight, but we don't want them to think that being thinner or thicker as the only road to happiness.
The best way to do this is to take appearance out of the equation. You can still feel beautiful regardless of your weight. Avoid saying things like:
“You'd be so beautiful if you lost/gained a few pounds.”
“If you eat all those cookies you'll get fat.”
“Eat! EAT! You're too skinny!”
When you attach weight to body image, you start children down the road of anxiety about their weight, which can actually contribute to the problem. Instead, talk about healthy eating without bringing up weight.
Instead of talking about exercise as the key toward weight loss, encourage your child to engage in fun outdoor activities. A weekend camping without a phone can be much more active than you think, without making the event center around weight loss.
When we constantly measure everything our child eats and criticize their every movement, it doesn't lead to a more ideal weight. Instead it simply leads to your child being more deceptive about it. Sneaky eating, emotional eating, or refusing to eat at all, are all potential hazards of criticizing how kids eat.
Studies show that dieting does not lead to weight loss, and can actually lead to an increase in weight as people yo-yo back and forth.
Sadly, dangerous eating disorders can often be masked by heavier weights. No one questions an overweight teen if they refuse a meal. In one instance, a young woman went 48 hours without eating, and was still criticized by her parents when she did finally take a bite of food. (1)
Body shaming children creates adults with food and body anxiety that they then pass on to their own children. It's a vicious cycle that can only be broken by parents, and it needs to stop today.
If your child has weight problems, tell them they are beautiful anyway, and never connect their weight to their looks. Instead, focus on health. With healthy habits, their ideal weight will eventually reached, even if that weight isn't the same one you'll see in magazines.
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